Leading Integrated Healthcare

Sex and relationship issues

Dr Brian Kaplan on Sex and Relationship Problems

We live in a time where sex is apparently everywhere but satisfying, loving sexual relationships are not that easy to find. Popular magazines are full of helpful tips about how to attract the opposite sex and (particular for women) how to have more satisfying orgasms – or have orgasm at all. About 30% of women own a vibrator and apparently all  men watch or have watched pornography regularly on the internet. The art of the caveman certainly included sex, a subject that has fascinated the human race for millennia.

While sex is a subject of great pleasure it is also a huge cause of disappointment and pain for many. This is often unnecessary and they key to putting to healing is usually communication.


A few sessions of Provocative Therapy can help many couples who wish to improve their sex lives and their relationships in general.  Although the discussion will be frank and honest, it will also always be funny and irreverent at times. The object is to lighten the atmosphere so that you as a couple will feel much more comfortable in listening to each other. And usually those things fall into very repeatable patterns. Sex is a very important subject but The Children, The In-laws and Money also often come into the picture. Men often want more sex, women often more intimacy which does not  automatically ‘lead on’ to sex. Talking and joking about these things in the relaxed, but highly energised context of the Provocative Therapy session often leads to couples improving not only their sex lives but many other aspects of their relationship.

For me, working with couples is quite straightforward. Nevertheless  to see a couple grown and enjoy life more (especially if they report a more satisfying sex life) is one of the most beautiful things I see in medical practice.


One of the biggest problems I see in medical practice is the issue of being single but wanting to be in a fulfilling sexual relationship. I am not talking about men who want to know how to seduce scores of women or women who want to be attractive to hundreds of men.  Most men are interested in sex but may be shy or lack the self confidence.to do what is necessary to get into a fulfilling relationship.

Some people (more often women) believe they are single because the ‘Mr Right’ has not arrived. It is hardly ever true. To attract the right person for a relationship, you generally need to change your behaviour in some way. Provocative Therapy is a powerful method of quickly finding what you need to change in your life  – and being therapeutically provoked to do it. When you do this, your chances of finding a suitable partner increase dramatically.


Provocative Therapy: It can be fun

I had a lot of fun in those sessions, I felt they were very enjoyable - the lightness and laughter of it made touching on uncomfortable and painful issues easier, and the benevolence you bring to the process (aka Unconditional Positive Regard) was palpable.  I could see how the strange mental-emotional convolutions that happen when experiencing the inner friction set up by the provocations would over time promote real change.

Experiencing Provocative Therapy

Provocative Therapy has had a significant and ongoing impact on me. The session itself forced to the surface a few truths about myself and my life which I had previously been reluctant to admit to myself. That I found helpful and enlightening. However the real shock came when I watched myself on film afterwards. I was rather dreading having to view myself, especially in such an open and vulnerable position. But nothing prepared me for the shock I had when I firstswitched on the tape. For the first time, I think ever, I was able to view myself objectively. It was not like looking in the mirror or seeing myself on film; never before had I seen myself interact naturally like that. I was surprised how pertinent the contradiction was between the idea I had of myself and how I really appeared. This initial jolt certainly had the most impact but now I’m grateful to have the film so that I can revisit it whenever I need to. Each time it’s almost like going through another session. It forces me toreally look at myself and listen to what I’m saying and to understand that there is a difference between my own, often warped perspective, and the truth in front of me. Louisa Gamon - London